Jyn listened, eyes wide and attentive, taking in everything he had to say. It was all she really could do — hear him out, show him how much she did want to hear these things, even when it wasn't easy, even when it hurt. More than once, she was tempted to interrupt and had to bite her tongue; just as often, she was struck speechless, grateful he continued and in so doing gave her a few moments more to consider her own words. At least the last thing he said provided her with an easy response, one she didn't need to think about at all before offering.
"Don't thank me," she said, a ghost of a wry smile on her face. She hadn't done anything, after all. From her point of view, there was nothing to thank her for. "Thank you. For telling me."
This, too, she meant utterly. Deciding what to say next took a bit more thought, her expression scrunching slightly in a way she suspected he would already have come to recognize as being indicative of her weighing her words, trying to determine what she wanted to say and how to say it.
"I didn't say this a few minutes ago, but I guess maybe I'll say it now," she settled on. Her hand was still on his cheek, his skin warm against her palm. "The other moment that I must've already loved you, even if I didn't know it. When you fell—" Her fingers dropped lower, grazing the scar from that blaster shot again. "There was a moment I almost let go and went after you. I couldn't, obviously. The plans. And you'd said keep going. But almost."
I get it, is what she meant. She still didn't entirely know how she had survived losing him before except through sheer stubborn force of habit, and too many sunrises sitting out on the beach, wishing she'd had the end with him that she was supposed to.
"There's a lot here to answer. But here goes. I do know there's nothing in your past that would change how I feel about you, or run me off. And I think you'd say the same about me. I honestly could not care less if you hurt me in your sleep because I know you would never hurt me consciously. I think you'd say the same about that, too. I only worry about what it would do to you if that happened. I think you'd never forgive yourself, and that scares me."
Already she'd gone in a direction she hadn't intended. Frowning slightly, she bit her lip as she tried to reroute herself. "I don't think you need to worry about talking about your ex too much. I think... It's not easy to hear, but... I think it might help. To know more. And maybe not... feel like... worry that..." Now, finally, she looked away, insecure in a way she hated expressing, but sort of thought she had to. "That I'm a second choice."
Maybe, in spite of everything they'd both just said, she already was. Force knew she had been for everyone else, throughout the entirety of her life.
"As for him... I stand by what I said before. You're sort of the same, because you're still you, the person I fell in love with, and you're also not, because you didn't live any of that. Somehow that's still the one thing that makes sense to me."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-06-17 04:48 am (UTC)"Don't thank me," she said, a ghost of a wry smile on her face. She hadn't done anything, after all. From her point of view, there was nothing to thank her for. "Thank you. For telling me."
This, too, she meant utterly. Deciding what to say next took a bit more thought, her expression scrunching slightly in a way she suspected he would already have come to recognize as being indicative of her weighing her words, trying to determine what she wanted to say and how to say it.
"I didn't say this a few minutes ago, but I guess maybe I'll say it now," she settled on. Her hand was still on his cheek, his skin warm against her palm. "The other moment that I must've already loved you, even if I didn't know it. When you fell—" Her fingers dropped lower, grazing the scar from that blaster shot again. "There was a moment I almost let go and went after you. I couldn't, obviously. The plans. And you'd said keep going. But almost."
I get it, is what she meant. She still didn't entirely know how she had survived losing him before except through sheer stubborn force of habit, and too many sunrises sitting out on the beach, wishing she'd had the end with him that she was supposed to.
"There's a lot here to answer. But here goes. I do know there's nothing in your past that would change how I feel about you, or run me off. And I think you'd say the same about me. I honestly could not care less if you hurt me in your sleep because I know you would never hurt me consciously. I think you'd say the same about that, too. I only worry about what it would do to you if that happened. I think you'd never forgive yourself, and that scares me."
Already she'd gone in a direction she hadn't intended. Frowning slightly, she bit her lip as she tried to reroute herself. "I don't think you need to worry about talking about your ex too much. I think... It's not easy to hear, but... I think it might help. To know more. And maybe not... feel like... worry that..." Now, finally, she looked away, insecure in a way she hated expressing, but sort of thought she had to. "That I'm a second choice."
Maybe, in spite of everything they'd both just said, she already was. Force knew she had been for everyone else, throughout the entirety of her life.
"As for him... I stand by what I said before. You're sort of the same, because you're still you, the person I fell in love with, and you're also not, because you didn't live any of that. Somehow that's still the one thing that makes sense to me."