Immediately, Jyn wished she hadn't said that, although she tried to stop that thought before it could fully take root. He'd asked her to say things, even if they were difficult or upsetting. Doing so didn't come naturally to her, but she was making an effort. Still, she wasn't sure it had come out right, and though she didn't interrupt, letting him finish as he had done with her, taking in what he had to tell her, she was quick to offer a clarification when he finished.
At the same time, she tried not to feel a little dizzy at the prospect of fourteen years. How the hell could she ever live up to that?
"It's not because of you that I'd worry about it," she assured him. This time, she couldn't quite look at him, mouth pulled into a frown. Talking about him was easier than talking about herself. Talking about them was easier than talking about anyone in her past. She could reason herself out of having to do so by thinking that he knew all of this already, but that wasn't the point. If she wanted him to know her, she couldn't just take all of that as a given. "It's... You know. Everyone else. Historically speaking—" Here her voice turned cuttingly wry, although the sharp edge of it was directed at herself, not at him. "I've always been second. At best."
He'd been the first person to show her otherwise. It wasn't really a surprise for him to be telling her that was the case now; it was just difficult to switch off a lifetime's worth of expectation. "And I know that's not you. Obviously it doesn't bother me that you were with someone. We both had lives before we met each other. Just... habit, I guess. And not knowing making it all seem bigger."
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At the same time, she tried not to feel a little dizzy at the prospect of fourteen years. How the hell could she ever live up to that?
"It's not because of you that I'd worry about it," she assured him. This time, she couldn't quite look at him, mouth pulled into a frown. Talking about him was easier than talking about herself. Talking about them was easier than talking about anyone in her past. She could reason herself out of having to do so by thinking that he knew all of this already, but that wasn't the point. If she wanted him to know her, she couldn't just take all of that as a given. "It's... You know. Everyone else. Historically speaking—" Here her voice turned cuttingly wry, although the sharp edge of it was directed at herself, not at him. "I've always been second. At best."
He'd been the first person to show her otherwise. It wasn't really a surprise for him to be telling her that was the case now; it was just difficult to switch off a lifetime's worth of expectation. "And I know that's not you. Obviously it doesn't bother me that you were with someone. We both had lives before we met each other. Just... habit, I guess. And not knowing making it all seem bigger."