He'd never let go like this with Bix. He'd rarely done so with Maarva. But what was "this" when no such thing had ever happened before… or with someone like this beside him…
Okay. Okay. He let it run its course. Better now than twist eternally or explode. And though it wasn't a thought he'd fully conceived, not a determination he'd consciously made, he was going to try, with Jyn, to say things, not swallow them. That had started over Eadu, and he'd never stop making up for that; and led to something far more critical on Yavin, and then an unprecedented level of interreliance and seamless interreaction on Scarif… He didn't want to sabotage that now that he knew they could have it. And find out if they could have it in peace, not just in war.
So, as his breathing slowed from swallowed gasps, she might be able to make out the words in it:
"Melshi. Sefla. Jav. Arro. Calfor. Casrich. Farsin. Pao. Rostok. Stordan. Baze. Chirrut. Bodhi." And the clearest, tremoring through his body, "Kay."
He used the names to school his breath and finally raise his head. Tears stopped but his eyes still shone with them as he met hers and squeezed her hands. The look in his eyes was… something… From a life fractured, this look was just a quick spark of… whole.
(People weren't so quickly unfractured, but they'd found good help in one another to remember or imagine an alternative)
He knew he kept saying it, but it was the only possible thing. He murmured, "Thank you."
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Okay. Okay. He let it run its course. Better now than twist eternally or explode. And though it wasn't a thought he'd fully conceived, not a determination he'd consciously made, he was going to try, with Jyn, to say things, not swallow them. That had started over Eadu, and he'd never stop making up for that; and led to something far more critical on Yavin, and then an unprecedented level of interreliance and seamless interreaction on Scarif… He didn't want to sabotage that now that he knew they could have it. And find out if they could have it in peace, not just in war.
So, as his breathing slowed from swallowed gasps, she might be able to make out the words in it:
"Melshi. Sefla. Jav. Arro. Calfor. Casrich. Farsin. Pao. Rostok. Stordan. Baze. Chirrut. Bodhi." And the clearest, tremoring through his body, "Kay."
He used the names to school his breath and finally raise his head. Tears stopped but his eyes still shone with them as he met hers and squeezed her hands. The look in his eyes was… something… From a life fractured, this look was just a quick spark of… whole.
(People weren't so quickly unfractured, but they'd found good help in one another to remember or imagine an alternative)
He knew he kept saying it, but it was the only possible thing. He murmured, "Thank you."