He had to admit it to himself: maybe he was afraid to push because he didn't want to do to Jyn what he'd felt, sometimes, Bix did to him. Now, of course, maybe he should consider he'd been unfair to her, since he was feeling in that position. Where she'd push and he'd say Why are you doing this? Well, perhaps she'd felt that whatever-it-was was just as present, maybe moreso, by not talking about it, and talking about it at least had the possibility of finishing it.
It was a strange turn. He'd never for a moment compared Jyn to Bix. Suddenly it was himself he was comparing.
"Fact, I guess," he said, mouth curving at least a bit. "I still feel sometimes like you don't say things because you don't want to ruin my day. If that's the only reason, please say them. But I also said I trust you, and I do.
"So… question: I keep forgetting to ask. You said there were other people here who know about what happened back home. Can I meet them sometime?"
It was a fair point, one that Jyn very easily could have made herself if their positions were reversed. She was trying, determined, really, not to impose before-him on now-him, and the number of years it had been since she'd previously been with him made that much easier than it might have otherwise been. Now, though, she couldn't help the way some of their conversations in those first few months, as they were just figuring things out and retroactively getting to know each other, came to mind. More than once, she'd asked him not to shut her out when he dodged or downplayed something.
She wasn't trying to do that now, but he did have a point. There were things she hadn't said because they seemed too heavy for whatever the particular moment was, but that determination wasn't hers alone to make. Left to her own devices, chances were good she wouldn't bring up any of it. She didn't want him to have to push her, or even to feel like he was doing so, but sometimes she needed a little prompting.
"Of course," she answered. This question was easy. "The ones who're still here are all from before us, I think, but there's probably still plenty they could tell you." She breathed in deeply, her chest rising and falling with it. "And all right. It's still... It's not always easy for me to know how to say things. But I will try. I am trying. I trust you, too."
"I know." He caught her in her slow swirl, with himself at her head; cupped her face, upside-down, and kissed her forehead. "I love you for it. And everything else."
Cassian sank further into the water, making himself into an armchair for Jyn, and scoffed, "From before us? Well, forget them, then!" Though there was real heartache there. He would give so much to hear how things turned out. But that was the cost of dying in battle: never knowing. Genuinely again, "Who are they?"
For a moment, Jyn couldn't do anything but smile: at the sweet way he kissed her forehead, at the accompanying statement, at the seeming ease with which he took her at her word. Over and over again, she thought that she had never been as understood by anyone as she was by him, but it was more than that, too. There was acceptance there, taking her as she was even when there were things for her to work on. She hoped, at least, that he knew just how true that was for her in turn.
"Two Jedi, a Senator, and another rebel," she rattled off. She might have been prepared to shoot Kallus on sight when she first encountered him, newly arrived and walking off her ship, but she knew better now. Cassian, in fact, was the reason she hadn't done so. He was also the reason why she didn't describe Kallus now more bluntly as a spy, instead alluding more subtly to that particular truth. "He's used the same codename as you, actually."
He tensed a little at the mention of Jedi. It wasn't just that he didn't trust Force-users not to be charlatans; with the Jedi in particular, for the supposed champions of the downtrodden, he'd never seen them out on the Rim.
For the others—
"Which Senator?" though the chances of it being the only one he had a personal connection to were extremely slim, even without time being broken.
Same codename… the only one he shared was—"Fulcrum?"
"That's the one," Jyn replied, and with her eyes still half-closed against the sunlight, gave a soft, crooked smile. "I was seriously thinking about killing him before he said he was a Fulcrum agent. I didn't mention you, or anything—" The last, she added just a bit hastily, not wanting to risk him thinking she might have blown his cover, even in a place where that didn't really matter anymore. "—But it did get me to hear him out."
She was glad now that she had, and not just because dealing with a dead body on her ship would have been a hassle to say the least. She liked Kallus, and perhaps counterintuitively had trusted him more since figuring out that he had defected from the Empire.
"The Senator is Amidala. She was mostly before our time, too."
"Oh?" He was smiling the same way back. "What did he do to deserve death?"
Cassian slowly shook his head as he came up blank on Amidala. He probably should have paid better attention to the Senate… but it had seemed like a bad joke.
"Showed up in an ISB uniform," Jyn answered, trusting that he of all people would then understand the impulse. It wasn't just that she had been furious at the sight of an apparent Imperial, but more that she didn't want to take even the slightest chance of that hateful ideology planting a seed that might take root. Better to snuff it out at the first possibility.
"I didn't believe him that he wasn't an Imp until he gave the name and the phrase with it."
[ooc: and I decide to commit to one of the debut's multithreads!]
Cassian laughed. "I've met him. He was the one who brought me to you when I arrived. He thought I was Imperial, from the uniform, until I gave him the name and phrase. Payback."
Jyn let out a laugh of her own at that. It wasn't quite enough to disrupt her precarious balance, but it came close enough to it that she gave up on floating and ducked under the water's surface instead, reemerging a moment later on her own two feet again.
"Well, that worked out, at least," she said. "Glad I didn't wind up actually shooting him on sight."
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no subject
It was a strange turn. He'd never for a moment compared Jyn to Bix. Suddenly it was himself he was comparing.
"Fact, I guess," he said, mouth curving at least a bit. "I still feel sometimes like you don't say things because you don't want to ruin my day. If that's the only reason, please say them. But I also said I trust you, and I do.
"So… question: I keep forgetting to ask. You said there were other people here who know about what happened back home. Can I meet them sometime?"
no subject
She wasn't trying to do that now, but he did have a point. There were things she hadn't said because they seemed too heavy for whatever the particular moment was, but that determination wasn't hers alone to make. Left to her own devices, chances were good she wouldn't bring up any of it. She didn't want him to have to push her, or even to feel like he was doing so, but sometimes she needed a little prompting.
"Of course," she answered. This question was easy. "The ones who're still here are all from before us, I think, but there's probably still plenty they could tell you." She breathed in deeply, her chest rising and falling with it. "And all right. It's still... It's not always easy for me to know how to say things. But I will try. I am trying. I trust you, too."
no subject
Cassian sank further into the water, making himself into an armchair for Jyn, and scoffed, "From before us? Well, forget them, then!" Though there was real heartache there. He would give so much to hear how things turned out. But that was the cost of dying in battle: never knowing. Genuinely again, "Who are they?"
no subject
"Two Jedi, a Senator, and another rebel," she rattled off. She might have been prepared to shoot Kallus on sight when she first encountered him, newly arrived and walking off her ship, but she knew better now. Cassian, in fact, was the reason she hadn't done so. He was also the reason why she didn't describe Kallus now more bluntly as a spy, instead alluding more subtly to that particular truth. "He's used the same codename as you, actually."
no subject
For the others—
"Which Senator?" though the chances of it being the only one he had a personal connection to were extremely slim, even without time being broken.
Same codename… the only one he shared was—"Fulcrum?"
no subject
She was glad now that she had, and not just because dealing with a dead body on her ship would have been a hassle to say the least. She liked Kallus, and perhaps counterintuitively had trusted him more since figuring out that he had defected from the Empire.
"The Senator is Amidala. She was mostly before our time, too."
no subject
Cassian slowly shook his head as he came up blank on Amidala. He probably should have paid better attention to the Senate… but it had seemed like a bad joke.
no subject
"I didn't believe him that he wasn't an Imp until he gave the name and the phrase with it."
no subject
Cassian laughed. "I've met him. He was the one who brought me to you when I arrived. He thought I was Imperial, from the uniform, until I gave him the name and phrase. Payback."
no subject
"Well, that worked out, at least," she said. "Glad I didn't wind up actually shooting him on sight."