This, his hand in hers as he moved them through the water, her eyes half-closed against the sunlight and limbs loose, was as much a sign of trust as anything else that had occurred between them so far. Simple as it might have been, it spoke volumes that she could be so at ease around him. Normally, any one of these things would have set her on edge — her clothes discarded on the rock where they'd been sitting, her knife with them, which left her unarmed, someone else guiding her movements, however limited the scope of them may have been. Instead, Jyn wasn't even thinking about any of that. She was aware, inasmuch as she always would be, but she didn't have to be alert. She could just be with him.
Within that, there was a fine line to walk. Knowing him, not wanting to be disingenuous and pretend that she didn't know him, also not wanting to take advantage of information she'd gained from, technically, someone else, all of it was a delicate balance to try to strike, not unlike the way she drifted on the surface of the water now. So far, at least since telling him that he'd been here before, she hadn't found it nearly as difficult as she would have expected, but the idea of it was there throughout everything, especially when he said things like that.
"I can hear you thinking," she said, gently, wryly teasing. She stayed as she was, weightless in the water, as she considered his words and how to phrase her response. "There is no right question. But there's no wrong one, either. Anything you ask, I'll answer. Might not solve anything, but it'll be out there, at least."
He had to admit it to himself: maybe he was afraid to push because he didn't want to do to Jyn what he'd felt, sometimes, Bix did to him. Now, of course, maybe he should consider he'd been unfair to her, since he was feeling in that position. Where she'd push and he'd say Why are you doing this? Well, perhaps she'd felt that whatever-it-was was just as present, maybe moreso, by not talking about it, and talking about it at least had the possibility of finishing it.
It was a strange turn. He'd never for a moment compared Jyn to Bix. Suddenly it was himself he was comparing.
"Fact, I guess," he said, mouth curving at least a bit. "I still feel sometimes like you don't say things because you don't want to ruin my day. If that's the only reason, please say them. But I also said I trust you, and I do.
"So… question: I keep forgetting to ask. You said there were other people here who know about what happened back home. Can I meet them sometime?"
It was a fair point, one that Jyn very easily could have made herself if their positions were reversed. She was trying, determined, really, not to impose before-him on now-him, and the number of years it had been since she'd previously been with him made that much easier than it might have otherwise been. Now, though, she couldn't help the way some of their conversations in those first few months, as they were just figuring things out and retroactively getting to know each other, came to mind. More than once, she'd asked him not to shut her out when he dodged or downplayed something.
She wasn't trying to do that now, but he did have a point. There were things she hadn't said because they seemed too heavy for whatever the particular moment was, but that determination wasn't hers alone to make. Left to her own devices, chances were good she wouldn't bring up any of it. She didn't want him to have to push her, or even to feel like he was doing so, but sometimes she needed a little prompting.
"Of course," she answered. This question was easy. "The ones who're still here are all from before us, I think, but there's probably still plenty they could tell you." She breathed in deeply, her chest rising and falling with it. "And all right. It's still... It's not always easy for me to know how to say things. But I will try. I am trying. I trust you, too."
"I know." He caught her in her slow swirl, with himself at her head; cupped her face, upside-down, and kissed her forehead. "I love you for it. And everything else."
Cassian sank further into the water, making himself into an armchair for Jyn, and scoffed, "From before us? Well, forget them, then!" Though there was real heartache there. He would give so much to hear how things turned out. But that was the cost of dying in battle: never knowing. Genuinely again, "Who are they?"
For a moment, Jyn couldn't do anything but smile: at the sweet way he kissed her forehead, at the accompanying statement, at the seeming ease with which he took her at her word. Over and over again, she thought that she had never been as understood by anyone as she was by him, but it was more than that, too. There was acceptance there, taking her as she was even when there were things for her to work on. She hoped, at least, that he knew just how true that was for her in turn.
"Two Jedi, a Senator, and another rebel," she rattled off. She might have been prepared to shoot Kallus on sight when she first encountered him, newly arrived and walking off her ship, but she knew better now. Cassian, in fact, was the reason she hadn't done so. He was also the reason why she didn't describe Kallus now more bluntly as a spy, instead alluding more subtly to that particular truth. "He's used the same codename as you, actually."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-06-08 04:00 am (UTC)Within that, there was a fine line to walk. Knowing him, not wanting to be disingenuous and pretend that she didn't know him, also not wanting to take advantage of information she'd gained from, technically, someone else, all of it was a delicate balance to try to strike, not unlike the way she drifted on the surface of the water now. So far, at least since telling him that he'd been here before, she hadn't found it nearly as difficult as she would have expected, but the idea of it was there throughout everything, especially when he said things like that.
"I can hear you thinking," she said, gently, wryly teasing. She stayed as she was, weightless in the water, as she considered his words and how to phrase her response. "There is no right question. But there's no wrong one, either. Anything you ask, I'll answer. Might not solve anything, but it'll be out there, at least."
no subject
Date: 2025-06-08 04:12 am (UTC)It was a strange turn. He'd never for a moment compared Jyn to Bix. Suddenly it was himself he was comparing.
"Fact, I guess," he said, mouth curving at least a bit. "I still feel sometimes like you don't say things because you don't want to ruin my day. If that's the only reason, please say them. But I also said I trust you, and I do.
"So… question: I keep forgetting to ask. You said there were other people here who know about what happened back home. Can I meet them sometime?"
no subject
Date: 2025-06-08 04:31 am (UTC)She wasn't trying to do that now, but he did have a point. There were things she hadn't said because they seemed too heavy for whatever the particular moment was, but that determination wasn't hers alone to make. Left to her own devices, chances were good she wouldn't bring up any of it. She didn't want him to have to push her, or even to feel like he was doing so, but sometimes she needed a little prompting.
"Of course," she answered. This question was easy. "The ones who're still here are all from before us, I think, but there's probably still plenty they could tell you." She breathed in deeply, her chest rising and falling with it. "And all right. It's still... It's not always easy for me to know how to say things. But I will try. I am trying. I trust you, too."
no subject
Date: 2025-06-08 05:16 am (UTC)Cassian sank further into the water, making himself into an armchair for Jyn, and scoffed, "From before us? Well, forget them, then!" Though there was real heartache there. He would give so much to hear how things turned out. But that was the cost of dying in battle: never knowing. Genuinely again, "Who are they?"
no subject
Date: 2025-06-08 05:40 am (UTC)"Two Jedi, a Senator, and another rebel," she rattled off. She might have been prepared to shoot Kallus on sight when she first encountered him, newly arrived and walking off her ship, but she knew better now. Cassian, in fact, was the reason she hadn't done so. He was also the reason why she didn't describe Kallus now more bluntly as a spy, instead alluding more subtly to that particular truth. "He's used the same codename as you, actually."